Sadness

Sadness

Sandra Sumner, my mother in law, my friend and my other mom passed away this evening.  She succumbed to the final stages of a long illness called Parkinson’s disease.  We liked to call her simply, ‘Grandma’.

Grandma had a tough life with very few ‘breaks’ mixed in.  As a single mom she raised two generations of girls, five in total.  She was very proud of each one and showed it through her unwavering and unconditional love.  I never heard her say one negative remark about any of them, only words of concern for their well being and a longing to see them. 

She had joy every time one of her girls stopped over for some ‘mom’ time.  Unexpected trips to Goodwill or, especially, Dairy Queen or McDonalds for an unplanned milkshake registered high on her happy meter.  Unplanned outings for breakfast at Bob Evans, lunch at the Steer or dinner at the house with pizza were always welcome and appreciated.  She just liked to spend time with family.  Her family really was the center of her life and it showed in many ways.

When Grandma came over to the house in Madison she found purpose in helping Michelle out.  She would help catch up the laundry, clean the kitchen or just tidy around the house.  I suppose it is always easier to that in someone else’s home as Michelle would often do the same for her.  She helped out a lot by picking up the kids and taking them to their ball games in the summer.  She really enjoyed watching them and, if I remember correctly, didn’t miss but a small handful of games and school and church plays.  She was there for Christmas, New Years, Easter; all the holidays and many of those days in between when it was just a relief to have her around to lean on.

Grandma was one who stretched herself to watch grandkids at a moment’s notice.  She loved her grandkids and enjoyed the time she got to spend with them.  She subtly influenced their lives in many ways that reinforce the attributes they carry today.  Her participation in their growing up years formed a bond that only Grandparents can share.  It is special, different from that of a parent; one that my kids will sorely miss.

As the years went on Grandma was found to have Parkinson’s Disease, a destructive illness that robs the coordination and verbal skills of life.  She eventually moved out to Colorado Springs where her extended family helped her through the difficulty of losing those life skills.  While living with us in Colorado she passed her time picking up twigs in the yard and chasing the rabbits out of the yard.  Small holes under the chain link fence were promptly plugged with rocks or concrete rubble floating around the property and the offending rabbits were given a serious fist shaking and a rash scolding of mumbled words of warning to stay out or else.  In many ways I was glad the fence was there as it kept her corralled.  She loved the BBQ’s we had over the weekends and helped out in the preparation and clean up as much as she could. In the evenings she would sit with us around the fires we would build on the patio.  Even when it was mild out she would be bundled up in her winter coat, scarf, stocking cap, and indubitable smile that said, ‘I can do this and you can’t stop me’.  She especially continued with her love for ‘spur of the moment’ milkshakes.  For someone so small I never could figure out how she could suck one down so fast.  But as time wore on she had some incidents, like falling down the stairs, locking herself outside in the cold and dropping glass cups and then trying to clean up the mess that gave us cause for concern.  

After a number of years the extremely difficult choice for her to have professional care was made.  She was a real trooper having to be relocated a number of times to different facilities as her disease progressed.  A little over a year ago she requested being relocated one final time to Madison, her home of a lifetime to live her remaining time in familiar surroundings. 

Grandma left behind a legacy of tenacity.  Her life was overloaded with struggles that would make most people snap.  She dealt with each one as best as she knew how and then moved on.  She kept a positive, though cautious outlook on life and was able to give that enduring quality to her girls. 

Grandma, you have a large family full of kids, spouses, grandkids and great grandchildren who will sorely miss you.  We love you and look forward to being reunited with you some day.