Ownership

Ownership

Ownership means it’s yours.  All yours.  Like owning a car after its all paid off.  It may be motionally challenged and rattle; but it’s all yours.

I think the same concept can help develop your reaction to tasks that you don’t like to do.  For me, it is getting to know new people or being in a strange place.  It makes me uncomfortable.  In the past I’ve relied heavily on my wife and kids to mediate and take care of that short suit of mine.  In Haiti it’s a little bit different.  There is no one here to lean on.  I have to be me; I have to reach out and meet new people; I have to get to know strangers.  In a sense, I have to take ownership of my social skills or I will end up being an island, all by myself, unhappy and crabby.

I’ve discovered that the same applies to those at home.  My wife relied heavily on me to take care of the financial stuff, paying bills, budgeting the money as it came in.  I encouraged her many times to come down to my office and I’d show her how to do stuff.  Either we never had the time, didn’t want to take the time, or just didn’t want to…I think more of the latter.  So after leaving for Haiti she suddenly had all that thrown in her lap.  She was forced into ownership.  I think all along she knew how to do.  I just wasn’t sure.  From what I’ve seen, she has done a good job and is on top of it.  I’m proud of her and also feel more at peace because now I know she can take care of herself if something should happen to me.

It is important for each of us to expand our horizons and grow more fluent in the tasks we don’t like to do.  After a month I find it easier to make friends out of strangers.  My wife finds it easier to balance and budget a checkbook.  Each of us had a short suit that needed developing, but it was easier to lean on our spouse to take care of that which we didn’t like.  I am finding that part of being a well rounded Christian is knowing how to perform those tasks that we are not comfortable in. 

Another aspect of ownership is moving forward and doing things on your own with confidence knowing that your spouse has your support.  Michelle has been able to update our bed and refrigerator while I’ve been gone.  She’s been redecorating a little here and there and we are considering new furniture for the living room.  We’ve talked about these things over the years but never seemed to find the time and money to do them.  It was almost as if we were in each other’s way in getting stuff done.  She has done a great job organizing things while I’ve been gone and has also made some decisions and moved forward with many changes.  She has ownership, and my support, and is finding a confidence in making these choices by herself.  I’m confident that I’ll be amazed at what she is capable of when I return home.

So I’ve found an unintended benefit to being here.  I’ve gained confidence because I’ve found that God is capable of using me, just as I am, in situations where I previously thought I was inadequate.  My wife has also gained confidence knowing that she can and does make good decisions in my absence in the areas that I always took care of.  It complements each of us knowing that we are stronger, and our spouse is stronger.  How much more at peace will we be when we are reunited and can make informed choices and do tasks together because now we both know the inner workings of how those things operate and are done.